If Wishes Were Unicorns
by justanothermuggle
Summary: In Harry's sixth year professor Dumbledore decides to move the Mirror of Erised to a new hiding place. After accidentally causing the Mirror to fall down a staircase weird things start happening at Hogwarts. AU.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N This is an AU story taking place in Harry's sixth year. Did you ever wonder were the Mirror of Erised ended up after the finale of the Philosopher's Stone. Here's the answer. The plot is loosely based on the Deep Space 9 episode "If Wishes Were Horses". Beta is ghostchicken, thank you for your great job! As always Harry Potter is JKR's yard and I'm only here to play. _

**Chapter 1 - The Broken Mirror**

Professor Dumbledore made a wrong turn and found himself in a corridor he hadn't set foot on in several years. _I haven't seen this part of the castle since I moved the Mirror of Erised here after that business with the stone. _He had stored the mirror in a magically-sealed hidden compartment behind a broom closet. He had found said compartment on accident as a student during a rather forgettable snog in that very closet.

It was the snogging that was the real accident in the first place, because the hidden compartment was a brilliant hiding place. Unfortunately, the Hufflepuff girl he'd snogged proceeded to spread a nasty rumour that he was a bad kisser. As a result, he hadn't been able to convince another girl to join him for a snog for the rest of that term. _As I'm here, I might as well check the wards concealing the mirror. They've very likely weakened over the years with all the magical interference going on all over the castle. _A few diagnostic waves of his wand confirmed his suspicions. The wards had all but vanished.

Professor Dumbledore decided he'd better move the mirror to a new hiding place. _But where?_ If he'd been a Parslemouth, he could have taken it into the Chamber of Secrets, but without that option, also knowing that too many students knew of the Room of Requirement, he decided the best place might be the attic in the North Tower, a few floors above Professor Trelawney's classroom. No one ever ventured up there, and with a few extra wards in place, the Mirror of Erised should be safe.

Professor Dumbledore grunted from exhaustion. Still sharp at over one hundred fifty years old, age had long ago begun to take its toll on his body. "And they say you're a wise wizard." he huffed to himself, carrying the heavy mirror up towards the top of the North Tower.

"Choosing one of the most remote places is one thing, Albus," he growled to himself. "But at your age, dragging this accursed thing all the way up there on your own could hardly be construed as wise! What were you thinking, old boy?"

Professor Dumbledore was indeed wise, at least wise enough not to attempt to cast any levitation or shrinking spells on the Mirror of Erised. Such a powerful magical object might not agree with the spell and the result might be disastrous. Still, the headmaster questioned his senses for choosing this particular hiding place. Finally reaching the top of the staircase, he glared at the ladder leading up to the attic while he caught his breath. _Now this might be a problem. _Professor Dumbledore pondered carefully the best method to hoist the mirror through the opening in the ceiling into the attic.

_Ah, yes, of course. That should do it._ _Man, you did pay attention in Muggle studies after all. _Professor Dumbledore chuckled and inspected the block and tackle he'd conjured and attached to the ceiling with a strong sticking charm. Very pleased with himself, he conjured a rope sling around the relic, attached it to the hook and ring, and then began hoisting the Mirror of Erised upwards.

_Blimey, it's lucky for me no one's about. Even though I have a perfectly valid explanation as to why I don't levitate this ruddy thing, the bugger would ignore it in favour of taking the Mickey out of me instead._ Sweat beaded on his creased brow and dripped down his face as he heaved on the rope. A single drop clung to the end of his long nose and then fell onto his violent purple robes. All at once, his progress was halted. _Now what?_

He gazed upward and immediately discovered now what. He'd forgotten to check for something rather important—that the opening was large enough to fit the mirror through.

_Bollocks. This is embarrassing. _Just then, he heard someone ascending the stairs. _And of course someone just has to be coming up here... Maybe if I... _Professor Dumbledore held on tight to the ropes with one hand and reached for his wand with the other in order to enlarge the opening and quickly finish the job. Now, trying to get hold of his wand with his injured hand proved difficult, and as he finally drew it from his robes, he fumbled and dropped it.

"Bugger," he had time to yell as he let go the rope and dove for the wand. It was then that he realised the person on the stairs heard him clearly.

"Who's there," Argus Filch called. "Show yourself!"

_Oh, for all the..._ The headmaster, with a sudden display of agility, threw himself out of harm's way as the great mirror plummeted downward. The Mirror of Erised crashed to the floor and fell, naturally, not into the corridor but down the stairs, making a spectacular racket. Professor Dumbledore snatched up his wand and reacted out of reflex, throwing a _Protego _and a cushioning charm in rapid succession in a futile attempt to save the mirror.

"PEEVES! I'll get you for this," Filch's howled.

"Merlin's monkey-wrench," professor Dumbledore shrieked as he watched the unique Mirror of Erised, the presumably _long-lost_ Mirror of Erised, a priceless and legendary magical object, fall uncontrollably down the stairs of the North Tower, struck by two spells that may or may not have caused a magical backlash. On the other hand, if the mirror were to be destroyed, there was no telling what the powerful magic imbued into it might do.

Professor Dumbledore's mood crashed with the mirror, but what really worried him was the low-pitched squeaky sound following the crash that was not dissimilar to a giant crying out his pain after dropping a rock on his foot. Professor Dumbledore feared the worst and in the next moment he felt a shudder in the castle itself. His face lost all colour and his stomach turned as he suspected he'd turned the _long_-lost Mirror of Erised into the _forever_-lost Mirror of Erised.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME PEEVES," Filch shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Bugger! Bugger, bugger, bugger," Professor Dumbledore swore as he cast disillusionment and silencing charms on himself in order to sneak past the barking-mad Squib heading towards what he assumed was Peeves. Professor Dumbledore didn't have the time right now to deal with the escalation of the war between the caretaker and the poltergeist he had caused.

But right now, he had greater issues to attend to. _What was that shudder?_ Invisible and silent, he headed down the stairs past an outraged Filch. Further down, he found an area where the walls and stair was dirty and black with soot and scorch marks, obviously the spot where the mirror had been destroyed. The mirror itself seemed to have been totally obliterated from existence.

"Bugger me," a shocked professor Dumbledore grumbled and cast a detection charm in hopes of discovering what magic might be at work.

His wand became burning hot and he had to throw it away to break the spell. Whatever had happened was powerful. "Bugger." Picking up his wand, he headed for his office with a heavy heart and equally heavy steps. He met Sir Nicholas on the way.

"Greetings, Headmaster," the ghost said cheerfully in his hollow ghostly way.

"Bugger," Professor Dumbledore said again, not having noticed the gob-smacked ghost.

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Harry awoke the next morning after a pleasant dream, but a dream that made him blush. He'd been in the Astronomy Tower with a girl, engaged in a very healthy snog. Suddenly, the realisation that the girl he was snogging was Ginny Weasley hit him like a tonne of bricks. A battle in his mind raged as his alter ego in the dream unbuttoned Ginny's blouse, exposing the milk-white roundness of her breasts. He was torn between waking up, and the desire to...

_She's Ron's little sister. I do not dream about ripping Ginny's blouse off and snogging her senseless. Her brothers would kill me!_ Harry berated himself for his errant subconscious deviance, but another voice in his mind stepped to the fore with the undeniable truth. _Face it, Potter—that's exactly what you dreamed about and not for the first time. _Harry sighed. Yes, he had dreamed of snogging Ginny senseless and ripping her blouse off once or twice, but now he was awake. In the Real World.

_Yes, that's right. In the real world, Ginny's dating Dean Thomas, and I think girls are more trouble than they're worth. _Harry Potter held all females in the highest regard as his noble nature would allow nothing less, but his less-than-successful—correction, _disastrous_—date with Cho Chang last Valentine's Day soured him on the viability of lasting and meaningful relationships with them, other than his friendship with Hermione, who after all was a girl. _But girls are irresistibly cute, especially Ginny... Stop it, Potter!_

Harry quickly dressed and headed down the stairs to the common room, finding it empty except for Ginny. _And there she is._ "Good morning, Ginny. Waiting for Dean? He's still sleeping..."

"No, Harry," she purred. "I was waiting for you, as I have done all my life."

_What!?_ He noticed Ginny's blouse was unbuttoned at least one button beyond dignity and her skirt appeared shorter than usual. "Er... Ginny... are you all right?"

"Never better...now that you're here... _Harry,_" Ginny said seductively as she walked toward him, her eyes blazing. Harry gasped as she reached him and slid her arms around his neck. He felt inexplicably drawn to her and slightly intoxicated in a wonderful way by that fruity-flowery scent that was all Ginny.

"Ginny, erm...what about Dean," Harry asked. _She's Ron's sister...Ron's very cute sister... she's Ginny...and Ginny's so...beautiful._

"What about him? I never loved him. It's over. I want you. Harry. I've always wanted you," Ginny whispered and moments later, the little resistance Harry had was crumbling, desire taking control of his actions. He lowered his head and he kissed her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him.

Harry and Ginny snogged each other for a few minutes before breaking apart. Harry realised that in the real world, it was Ginny who snogged him senseless rather than the other way around. "We..." Harry started. "I... was on my way to breakfast. Care to join me?" Harry cursed himself for coming up with something like that after sharing that intense snog, but his brain wasn't functioning properly, still processing the emotions stirred up by Ginny's kisses.

"I'd love to," she said, gazing into his emerald eyes.

"Um...Ginny...that was...the kissing I mean...wonderful," Harry said.

"It was..." Ginny said taking Harry's hand and leading him across the room to the portrait hole.

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Professor Dumbledore watched the students in the Great Hall from his place at the staff table. Everything appeared normal. Dumbledore sighed in relief. _That entire business in the North Tower yesterday could have meant disaster. _But then his attention fell upon the Gryffindor table where Harry Potter seemed to be enjoying a suspiciously romantic breakfast with Ginevra Weasley.

"_Wasn't she dating young Mr Thomas? Not matter, no matter. This is brilliant._ Professor Dumbledore chuckled to himself at the prospect of his protégé becoming involved with the only daughter of the staunchest Light family in Britain. Aside from that, he took great interest in keeping track of who dated who because of a private betting pool with Filius Flitwick. Concerning Harry, Professor Dumbledore had placed his money on Ginny, while Flitwick had wagered for Miss Granger to enter a relationship with him.

The stakes amounted to little more than a couple of Sickles, but Professor Dumbledore was more concerned with outsmarting the Ravenclaw Head, although a Potter-Weasley pairing would be beneficial to the Light as well as to Harry himself. Ginevra was a strong and talented witch whose power, if joined with Harry's, could make them virtually unstoppable in their fight against Voldemort.

Dumbledore was already thinking about how he would approach the Charms professor and get him to admit his defeat and cough up the very prestigious Sickle. His smug smile faded when Dean Thomas entered the Great Hall. Well, to be perfectly honest it wasn't Mr Thomas' appearance that shattered the headmaster's grand plans, but the girl in his company, holding his hand—Ginevra Weasley! His jaw dropped. Professor Dumbledore stared at Harry, still seated at the Gryffindor table and still engaged in a very romantic breakfast with...Ginevra Weasley.

"Bugger..." the professor muttered, making a hypothesis that the two Ginevra Weasleys currently in the Great Hall could only be explained by some powerful magic gone awry—say, a priceless enchanted mirror struck by spells as it fell down a staircase, releasing some magical outburst strong enough to send a shudder through Hogwarts. "Bugger!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Ginny, Ginny and the Harrys**

Happily, Ginny entered the Great Hall holding firmly to Dean's hand. She knew Ron didn't like her dating Dean, or truthfully, he didn't like her dating, period. But scanning the Gryffindor table, Ginny noticed her youngest big brother wasn't there. She did notice Harry, however, but no Hermione. That was strange. Harry never had breakfast without one or both of them. Approaching the Gryffindor table, she did see Harry was in the company of someone, a girl by the looks of it. _Weird. She seems familiar, but who is she?_ Hang on_, he's holding her hand. Since when does Harry gold any girl's hand?_

Ginny felt a surge of jealousy, before realising she was holding Dean's hand, the bloke she was dating. She looked at Dean, who hadn't noticed Harry. "Dean, have you heard any rumours in your dorm about Harry lately," Ginny asked with a nod towards Harry.

Dean stopped and watched as his dorm mate enjoyed his breakfast date with the unknown girl. "No," he replied "And who is it he's with?"

Ginny and Dean continued along the Gryffindor table in Harry's direction. "Good morning, Harry," Ginny said when they were close enough.

He looked up, horror spreading across his previously smiling face. He looked her and then back at his date, who still sat with her back to Dean and Ginny, and back at her again. "All right," Harry said with a slight growl. "What soon-to-have-his-or-her-dignity-pranked-into-utter-embarrassment-git has been playing in the Polyjuice potion?" Harry turned to his date, still holding her hand. "Ginny," he said to his date, which confused Ginny no end. With his free hand, he pointed toward her. "Can you explain this?"

The girl sitting opposite Harry turned around. To Ginny's surprise the girl Harry was holding was... her. "No," both girls said, looking at each other. "What?"

"All right. Who are you," Harry asked his date. In the following moment, he glared at the girl by Dean's side. "And who are _you?_"

"I'm Ginny," his date replied.

"Hey, I'm Ginny," Ginny replied angrily, glaring daggers at the wench holding Harry's hand. "And don't you _dare_ touch Harry"

Harry looked as confused as Ginny, herself. Why did she want the other Ginny to keep her hands off Harry while she was happily dating Dean?

"Eh," Dean asked. "Why should she keep her hands off Harry?"

"Well, there's obviously some mischief going on. She might be dangerous because she's certainly an impostor," Ginny concluded to make her surge of jealousy sound reasonable.

The other Ginny darkened in a way Ginny recognised only moments too late as the way she looked when she lost her temper and that often ended with...oh yes, too late. The other Ginny flicked her wand and a most peculiar sensation filled her nose and with a quite uncomfortable itchy feeling something crawled out her nostrils. She cursed herself when she realised she'd been Bat-bogeyed.

"You...witch," Ginny screeched at her alter-ego. "You dare use my own hex against me?"

With a flick of her wand the other Ginny also grimaced as bats flew out of her nose and into her face as well. Both Dean and Harry gazed stunned between the warring Ginnys.

Professor Dumbledore followed the interaction between the two redheads, but as soon as the first hex was cast, he realised he had to act quickly. But he also noticed Professor McGonagall glared outraged that two...or one...of her Gryffindors was throwing hexes in the Great Hall at each other...or herself. As Professor Dumbledore mildly pushed the Transfigurations professor back into her seat, the other Ginny was hit by a hex too. Professor Dumbledore approached the quartet.

"Mr Potter, Mr Thomas, Miss...Misses Weasley...please come with me." Two confused boys and two outraged and hexed Ginnys followed the headmaster out of the Great Hall.

"Blimey, I never learned how to reverse this ruddy curse," Dean's Ginny huffed.

"Me either," Harry's Ginny grunted.

_Bugger, how do I address this?_ Professor Dumbledore questioned himself as he led the four confused teenagers from the Great Hall. In the entryway, they met a murderous Argus Filch. _I really must do something about that old Squib or he and Peeves will be trouble._

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Hermione had heard her dorm mates, Lavender and Parvati, leave for breakfast. Hermione didn't get up. She was in _that time of the month_ and didn't feel much like eating anything. She also didn't want to watch Lavender eat her _Won-Won_ as much as she ate her breakfast. Really, the girl's tongue was far too often shoved in Ron's mouth. It was disgusting.

She'd taken one of the Muggle painkillers her Mum had sent her. She had considered a visit to Madame Pomfrey for a potion that would cure her cramping belly, but the painkillers were good enough and allowed her to have a lie-in. She could see Madame Pomfrey after lunch. Hermione spent a perfectly wonderful morning reading Ancient Runes followed by Arithmacy and a few chapters in the new revised version of _Hogwarts: A History_. She was happily unaware of what was going on in the castle that would make the next edition of the book.

Cho Chang was on her way to the Great Hall. She felt quite miserable and had done so ever after her relationship with Harry had blown apart. She knew she had overreacted during that date, accusing Harry of throwing her over for Hermione. She had accepted dating Michael Corner for a while, but after a few dates last term, she'd realised that the raven-haired bloke had been serving merely as a surrogate-Harry. She ended it immediately.

How she wished she could have another chance with Harry Potter. She'd pined for him for three years, now. Sure, she'd been with Cedric, and she had enjoyed their relationship, but not even Cedric could make her get over Harry, but Cedric was dead. Suddenly, she bumped into someone and fell to the floor. "Ouch. I'm sorry...I was lost in my thoughts," Cho apologised, looking up at the one she'd crashed into. It was Harry and Cho blushed. This was embarrassing. Of all people at Hogwarts, she had to bump into him.

"Don't be sorry Cho, it was my fault," Harry said with a smile, extending a hand to help her up.

She accepted his hand and goose bumps peppered her skin at his touch. She got up and stood quite close to him. She decided to let Harry let go of her hand, and made no move at all. To her amazement Harry held on too.

"Cho... this might seem to be out of the blue, but I've wanted to ask your forgiveness for some time," Harry said.

"For what," she asked with trembling heart and still holding on to Harry's hand.

"Well...you know, during our date...I was a complete prat...and to be perfectly honest, I'd like to have the opportunity to make it up to you...and go on a proper date."

Cho felt her heart skip a beat. It sounded too good to be true. She didn't want to be hurt again.

"Harry, do you really mean it? I mean, you're forgiven, and I'd love to go on a date, but..."

Cho didn't know how to continue, she was becoming emotional and she didn't want to reveal right away what she felt for him.

"... you're afraid I'm asking you out because I feel bad about our last date. Cho, that's not why. I really want to go on a date with you, but never got around to asking you again last term."

Cho found sincerity in his emerald eyes. That was one of Harry's strongest and most-frustrating attributes—he was annoyingly honest. "Oh Harry..." Cho said and embraced him in a tight hug "I've missed you so."

Harry responded and embraced her back. "I've missed you too..." Harry whispered.

They still held on, Harry's arms around Cho's waist, hers around his neck. They looked into each others eyes. Cho lost control over her actions and kissed him. She just couldn't resist the urge. To her relief, he responded and the kiss evolved into a full snog. They broke apart and Cho looked at him. "I hope we can spend the day together, but actually Harry, I was on my way to the Great Hall for breakfast," Cho confessed.

"Me, too. May I join you," Harry asked.

"People would see us..." Cho gasped.

"I don't mind," Harry said silkily and stole another kiss.

Cho smiled brighter than she had in a long time, and with his arm around her waist, they headed towards the Great Hall together. Who could have imagined this when she woke up this morning?

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Ron awoke this Saturday morning, only to find Harry already gone. He shrugged and assumed his best mate was hungry and already stuffing himself. Not only was Harry gone, but also Neville, Dean, and Seamus. Soon, Ron was off too, but found none of his friends in the Great Hall. To his relief, his girlfriend wasn't there either. Ron sat down and fixed his breakfast plate. As he began to eat, he nicked a _Daily Prophet_, someone left on the table. The headline made his jaw drop.

_**Chudley Cannons Spotting Talent at Hogwarts**_

_Rumour has it that the Chudley Cannons are looking for a new Keeper. The one they're after is none other than Ronald Weasley, current Keeper on the Gryffindor House team. The Captain of the team, Harry Potter, commented: "I owe all that I am to Ron. He's my best friend and without his support when I returned to the Wizarding world, I'd never have made it. If there's anyone the Cannons would need to improve their team, it's the masterful Keeper we depend on in our endeavour to win the House Cup—Ron Weasely."_

Ron stared at the front page too gob-smacked to read on. Had he, Ron Weasley, caught the eye of Chudley Cannons? That would be brilliant! And when in the name of Merlin's out-of-tune ukulele had Harry ever made comments like that, let alone granted an interview? Harry had never personally told Ron that he meant that much to him, but he did feel quite proud, though, and began stuffing himself with more eggs and bacon. In his next serving, he would add beans, and the next potatoes, the next tomatoes, and so on until he finally enjoyed a serving with the full English breakfast. Ron was feeling very, very hungry.

By his third serving, Ron was fed enough to take in the world around him. As he looked for the tomatoes he planned to add for his fourth serving, Ron saw Harry enter the Great Hall in the company of Cho Chang and his arm was wrapped around her waist. Ron felt as though he'd been confunded. _When did Harry become interested in Cho again? I thought that was over._

Harry and Cho walked into the Great Hall and attracted a lot of perplexed looks. For some reason, even the staff table was stunned. Ron wondered why, since student relationships rarely caused the staff to so much as raise an eyebrow, let alone be stunned by them. What Ron didn't know was that as far as the staff was concerned, Harry had enjoyed a romantic breakfast date with Ginny, only to show up with Cho now when he had left with Professor Dumbledore only a few minutes before.

"Harry..." Ron said, wanting to thank him for the comment given to the Prophet.

"Later, Ron...I'm...sort of busy..." Harry said with a goofy smile, giving Cho a peck on the cheek.

"Sure, mate..." Ron said with a confused tone. "As long as you're happy...I'll be in the Common Room after breakfast."

"Ok," Harry replied and joined Cho at the Ravenclaw table, sitting alone with her. Technically it was against school rules to sit any table other than that of the House one belonged to. However, few on the staff bothered with that rule if it wasn't broken too often and Snape, who would have jumped at the chance to deduct Gryffindor points, was not present.

Ron finished his breakfast and left the Great Hall to return to the Common Room.

Once they'd arrived in his office, Professor Dumbledore looked over the two couples, trying to decide what to say to them or where to begin. With a sigh, he flicked his wand and banished the Bat-bogeys.

"Thank you, Professor," the two Ginnys said sheepishly.

"Now, what caused you to throw those hexes in the first place," the headmaster asked.

"She's an impostor," both Ginnys charged.

Professor Dumbledore sighed heavily. "You both say you're Ginny Weasley, but one of you is dating Mr Thomas the other is dating Mr Potter."

"Yes, Dean and I have dated for some time now," Ginny replied confidently.

The other Ginny glared at her. "Nonsense. I never loved Dean and ended it. It's always been Harry, ever after the Chamber incident."

Dean looked at the Ginny next to Harry, and then at the Ginny he held. "Um...no Ginny has ever broken up with me...but...what Chamber incident...Ginny?"

_Oh bollocks. I didn't want him to know about that. And...what did the other me say? "I never loved Dean" Do I?_ Ginny looked at Dean in order to meet his eyes. "Look, I don't want to talk about the Chamber, Dean."

"I'm sure you don't," the other Ginny huffed snarkily. "Because it's a reminder that Harry saved your life, that every beat of your heart and breath you take is Harry's. I'm his...the true Ginny belongs by Harry's side."

Ginny stared at her doppelganger. The words pierced her heart and she had nothing to say in reply. Dean shot daggers of jealousy in Harry's direction. The torment Dumbledore felt was reflected in his tired expression. _This is exactly why my interest in the relationships of the students is limited to betting on them with Filius, rather than trying to influence them. All those hormones and feelings changing faster than a Boggart in Lupin's class... bollocks!"_

"Professor, can you explain this," Harry asked. "Why are there two Ginnys?"

_Oh I can explain all right, but I most certainly won't. I'd look like a complete and utter git._ Professor Dumbledore paused to check his watch. "Harry, I will seek an explanation, but by now it's been over an hour, which tell us that neither of the Ginnys are a Polyjuiced impostor. May I begin by casting a few examination and detection spells on you?"

The two Ginnys agreed with a nod.

Professor Dumbledore cast a few harmless spells shooting beams of light, some smoke and a few sparks from his wand, all in order to appear as if he examined the two Ginnys. _If what Mr Thomas says is true, that Miss Weasely never broke it off with him, the one by Harry's side is...a figment of Harry's imagination fuelled by teenaged desires? Bugger... The power of the Mirror of Erised has somehow manifested itself within the castle._ He could only speculate, since he'd never been faced with anything like this before. _How do I fix this, and still come out of it without revealing I caused this mess in the first place? Well, at least this should be harmless enough._

Professor Dumbledore gazed pointedly at the four students. "I'll need to do some research. Off with you, now," the headmaster declared. Hardly had the students left the office when Professor Dumbledore stared distrustfully at nothing in particular. "Bugger."

Dean and Harry glared angrily at each other, holding possessively to a Ginny each. Harry had been deeply touched by Ginny's, his Ginny's that is, words in the office. She was right, Ginny and he were right for each other.

"Later, Thomas," Harry huffed.

"Yeah, later Potter," Dean snorted.

They parted by the gargoyle. Ginny looked over the shoulder and saw Harry head off with... Ginny. _Why do I have this really bizarre feeling I'm the wrong Ginny, despite the fact that I'm the real one?_

Ron was wondering what kept Harry so long. _He can't have dragged Cho into a broom closet. That's just not his style._ Ron climbed through the portrait hole and made off to find his friend. Halfway to the Great Hall, he stopped short. Harry Potter was standing in plain sight in the other end of the corridor snogging...Ginny. Ginny was dating Dean and Harry was back together with Cho. This was wrong in so many ways that Ron didn't even want to start listing them.

Ron decided he'd sneak up and hex Harry out of recognition, grab Ginny, Floo his parents, and demand that Ginny be treated to a well-deserved Howler. To his amazement, he was halfway to the snogging couple when Cho turned into the corridor...with Harry by her side. Ron stopped and looked at the Harry with Cho and the one snogging Ginny. He heard someone behind him, and saw Dean holding Ginny's hand. "Wha..." Ron started to say before he fainted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - The Staff Meeting Gone Bonkers**

Professor Dumbledore studied his staff while they all waited for Snape. He'd called a full staff meeting immediately after breakfast, and the only one not able to be there from the start was Madame Pomfrey, having an examination to perform. Apparently, Ronald Weasley had fainted and she wanted to be sure he was all right before leaving him to attend some silly staff meeting. The door opened and a blushing Severus Snape entered followed by a woman strongly resembling an older version of Lily Potter.

"Severus..." the headmaster said before he noticed the woman.

"What is the meaning of this," Professor McGonagall demanded sharply.

The first to recognise the strange woman was Professor Slughorn. "Lily..." he said.

"Yes, I'm Lily Snape," the woman said, introducing herself while Snape rolled his eyes.

"Well, this is a staff meeting and you're not staff," Snape snorted.

"Oh Sevvie, please," she purred.

"_Sevvie_, please show Miss Snape out," Professor Dumbledore said with a chuckle.

Lily turned towards the headmaster. "_Mrs_ Snape. And I won't leave my husband."

_Bugger, this is getting worse by the minute._ "Very well, but you must remain silent." Professor Dumbledore looked at his staff, trying to ignore the glares Snape fixed upon him.

"What is the situation," he asked.

"We all saw the two Harry Potters and the two Ginevra Weasleys, but I believe I saw what might possibly be a _third_ Harry Potter kissing Miss Romilda Vane," Professor McGonagall said matter-of-factly. Strange goings-on were nothing new at the school, but this latest was a contender for the top spot on the list of whacked-out mysteries in the castle.

"I'm stalked by this...woman..." Snape said dryly "And I suggest that Mr Potter and Miss Granger, who both are most certainly involved, receive severe punishment for this frivolous behaviour."

"Miss Granger," Professor Vector asked, failing to see the logic in Snape's reasoning.

"Potter's clearly involved, but if it's something as complex as this, Granger is too," Snape huffed.

"But he's not snogging Miss Granger, eh... Filius..." Professor Dumbledore chuckled to Professor Flitwick in an attempt to make him nervous about their bet. "In fact I haven't seen Miss Granger all day."

"Don't count your Sickles yet, Albus," Professor Flitwick hissed. "Clearly, we need this situation resolved before we can be sure exactly who is involved with who. Checking Minerva McGonagall's expression, the two professors realised they'd stuck their collective foot in their collective mouth.

"Now, what is that about," Minerva asked sharply in a way that made Professor Dumbledore feel like a student busted pulling pranks. "Well...it's nothing really...yet...only a pool going on. I bet an innocent Sickle on Harry getting together with Miss Weasley while Filius bet on him getting together with Miss Granger."

"Albus," she said sharply.

"Really, Minerva, it's just for fun and we don't interfere or try to influence them in any way," Professor Flitwick assured her.

The rest of the staff looked at the three of them. "Why in Merlin's name haven't you two invited the rest of us into that pool," Professor McGonagall asked, surprising them all.

Professor Dumbledore had prepared himself for the onslaught when Minerva McGonagall would lecture him about proper behaviour, being a role model, but this. She wanted to place a bet?

"Minerva, really..." Professor Sprout huffed.

"Pomona, please. It sounds like fun as long as we keep it to ourselves. And we can still act like we're having wands shoved up our bums in class."

Pomona was too gob-smacked to reply. The rest of the staff were either shocked hearing the usually-strict professor speaking like that or nodding in agreement.

"I'd prefer a pool about who'll be next to be expelled," Mr Filch muttered.

"I'm in," Snape quickly said supporting that idea.

"Please, professors. We're drifting off-topic," Professor Dumbledore pleaded with raised hands when the door opened.

Professor McGonagall entered and looked troubled. "I'm awfully sorry I'm late. I had to check up on Mr Weasley, who landed himself in the hospital wing. Poppy's still examining him and will be here once she's finished."

Her colleagues stared at her in utter disbelief. "Now _there's_ the Minerva I know," Professor Sprout declared and turned to the Professor McGonagall ready to place bets. "Who are you, madame?"

Professor McGonagall looked at what appeared to be her identical twin sister. "Oh no..." she said. "There are duplicates of several persons, I believe. It appears I have one too. Albus?"

Professor Dumbledore thought for a moment how he'd present the situation without revealing him being the one causing it. "It appears that subconscious or unconscious desires have begun to manifest themselves. As we've seen, there are several female students currently having...a Harry..." Professor Dumbledore began.

"Are you saying it's my desire having _her_ as _Mrs Snape,_" Snape spat, pointing to Lily.

Professor McGonagall hadn't noticed Lily until now. "Come now, Severus. It's the worst-kept secret in the school that you've harboured feelings for Lily Evans Potter since you, yourself, was a student here. We just never speak of it," Professor McGonagall chided him.

"One must wonder what part of _you_ desires to wager against the relationships in the student body of Hogwarts," Snape snorted back.

Professors Flitwick and Dumbledore blushed as they saw the reaction in the strict Scottish professor.

"I. Would. Certainly. Not," she said slowly.

"But _she_ would," Snape said triumphantly pointing at the other Professor McGonagall.

"Loosen up, Minnie," she said. "It's a funny little thing Filus and Albus are running. Perfectly harmless. Albus has his bet on Harry and Ginevra, while Filius wagered for Harry and Hermione. What's your bet McG?"

Professor Dumbledore relaxed as the piercing gaze of the Transfiguration professor shot daggers at her alter-ego, rather than at him or Professor Flitwick. Soon she turned to the headmaster again.

"You're claiming _she_ represents some desire within _me_," Professor McGonagall spat sarcastically.

Professor Dumbledore wasn't ready to take on that discussion. "What we need to focus on is what happened and how to solve it," he suggested.

Mr Filch cleared his throat. "I say it was that pesky poltergeist, Peeves! See, I headed up ter investigate a ruddy loud noise in the North Tower yesterday evenin'. Some ruddy thing almost killed me falling down the stairs. I firs' checked the top o' the stairs, n' later the bottom an' there was scorch marks. Believe me, the walls of Hogwarts need somethin' a lot more powerful than a normal fire to get scorched. Something weird's goin' on. I don't have proof against Peeves...yet, but I'll have it," the caretaker explained.

"How about we all examine the North Tower stairs," Professor McGonagall suggested.

Professor Dumbledore agreed.

"What about her," Snape nodded towards _Lily_.

"Well, in case we need potions, I know she's quite talented, right Minnie," the other Professor McGonagall grinned, but was ignored by _Minnie_.

Professor Dumbledore sighed. "Let's go," he grunted.

Snape moaned.

"If any of you _ever_ call me _Minnie_ or _McG_..." Professor McGonagall said sharply, glaring primarily at her doppelganger as they all left the staff room "... I'll transfigure you into Pixies."

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Ron woke up and found himself in the hospital wing. He didn't have a clue what had happened, except that he vaguely recalled catching his best friend snogging Cho and Ginny... at the same time.

Madame Pomfrey approached his bedside, as if she had some kind of kind of internal alarm to alert her to the moment an unconscious student awoke. "How are you feeling, Mr Weasley?"

"Confused," he said weakly.

"I can understand that. I take it you met more than one Harry Potter," the matron assumed.

"You could say that," Ron answered, not feeling it necessary to point out that the Harrys he'd seen were hitting on two different girls, one of whom one was his sister.

"We know of two, possibly three, Potters so far, and two Ginny Weasleys by the way. I also noticed a rather peculiar issue of the _Daily Prophet_ clutched in your hand Mr Weasley."

Ron remembered the front page with him in the headlines and nodded.

"It wasn't today's issue," he asked.

"Good heavens, no," the matron said and gave him a _Daily Prophet_. The headline was about the Wizengamot proceedings of yesterday. "If you feel all right, you're free to leave whenever you want to, Mr Weasley," Madame Pomfrey said. "I'm due for a staff meeting where some of this mess might be straightened out."

Ron compared the two papers and tossed the one with his headline. Now, where was the real Harry, if there indeed were three of them? And by Merlin, if the real Harry was snogging his real sister...

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The staff, joined by Madame Pomfrey, gathered at the stairs leading up to the North Tower. Like the night before, any detection spells caused their wands to heat up.

"This is most troubling," Professor Flitwick squeaked. "The residual magical trace is so strong, our wands can't take it. Whichever object nearly mangled Mr Filch last evening must've been an extremely powerful one."

"I feel so much better knowin' it wasn't a non-magical bookcase," Mr Filch sneered.

The staff climbed the stairs to the top, where they found a peculiar device hanging by the opening to the attic.

"What is that," Professor Sprout asked.

"That, Pomona, is a block and tackle device," Professor Burbage explained. "It's what Muggles call a _simple machine_ used to lift heavy objects. They use it in place of a levitation spell."

"Very interesting," the wise Head of Ravenclaw uttered. "I'd say the magical object was either hoisted up to, or lowered down from the attic above. Whoever is responsible must've known the dangers involved in handling powerful magical objects. Putting a levitation spell on such objects can cause...potentially dangerous side-effects, but I think even underachievers like those Trolls, Crabbe and Goyle, might know that."

"You seem to have given this a lot of thought, Filius," Snape commented.

"I'm merely trying to draw conclusions from what we already know. Argus says he heard _someone_ up here. Said _someone_ must've known both about Muggle and magical devices. Obviously, something went wrong and the object fell, nearly crushing our caretaker, and was subsequently destroyed further down the stairs," Professor Flitwick summarised.

"It doesn't sound like Peeves," Professor Sinistra said.

"I agree," Professor Sprout added.

"Argus also says the stairwell was empty when he arrived up here," Professor Flitwick continued. "That suggests that the person who was here must've concealed himself or herself, or obliviated Argus before his or her escape."

"You're saying, then, that the person who did this is a witch or wizard," Professor McGonagall asked for clarification.

"Precisely," Professor Flitwick confirmed. "And the knowledge necessary suggests someone at NEWT-level...or one of us on the staff."

Madame Pomfrey gasped at the Charms professor's conclusion.

"I'll bet it's Potter," Snape sneered. "I suggest we check his wand and interrogate him under Veritaserum."

"Now, let's not jump to conclusions, Severus," Professor Dumbledore chided his Potions Master.

"Well, there are duplicates of Potter, Miss Weasley, and a fainted Mr Weasley. And I nobody's seen Miss Granger today. She certainly has the knowledge. Along with Potter and Weasley, they have the nerve to pull off something like this," Snape argued.

"Severus, there are other people affected too. Argus was the one closest to...whatever happened downstairs and is not affected," Professor Dumbledore reminded him.

"Albus is right. We can't jump to the conclusion that the people affected have broken any rules," Professor Flitwick agreed. "Such a conclusion would make Minerva and you, Severus, Potter's, Weasley's and Granger's accomplices."

Only a snort was heard from the Potions professor, who clearly gave up his attempts to blame Harry Potter. There was little more to be done there, so Dumbledore told the Heads of House to make sure everyone gathered for lunch in the Great Hall. He needed to speak to the school. That said, the staff dispersed and went their separate ways to gather their students for lunch. Professor Slughorn approached professor Dumbledore.

"So, can I place a bet," Slughorn asked the headmaster. "A Sickle on Miss Ganger and Mr Weasley."

With a grin, Professor Dumbledore nodded. "You have yourself a bet, Horace." _Mr Weasley and Miss Granger indeed._ The old man chuckled and made his way to his office and then to the Great Hall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - Lunch**

Hermione awoke with a jerk. Her alarm had woken her up in time for lunch. The painkillers had apparently left her a bit sleepy, so she dozed off. She dressed, tied her bushy hair into a ponytail and headed down to the Great Hall. On her way, she noticed that something odd was going on inside the school. All right, something odd was always happening at Hogwarts, even by Wizarding standards, but this seemed to be above average. People seemed to easily startle.

Entering the Great Hall, she immediately understood why. There were at least a dozen Harry Potters sitting at the House tables, each holding a different girl. _What on earth...?_ At the staff table, Hermione noticed with a start that there were two Professors McGonagall—one seated at her usual place while the other sat _on the table_. Not even in her Animagus form would Minerva McGonagall sit on a table meant for serving food. Scanning the Gryffindor table, she noticed Ron sitting next to Lavender, and next to Ron was Harry, one of them, with his arm around Ginny. Hermione quickly looked further down the table, seeing Ginny, another Ginny than Harry's, next to Dean.

"I should so have stayed in bed," Hermione moaned, already feeling a headache coming on as she struggled to process and make sense of what was going on. "I'm so ruddy hopeless, already trying to solve this, when I don't even know what _this_ is."

Hermione approached Ron and Harry. "Ron, is that _our_ Harry," she asked nodding to the one sitting next to him.

"I think so," Ron replied dazedly, trying to keep Lavender's hands off his thighs.

Harry looked at her. "Yes, Hermione. I'm _me,_" Harry huffed and pointed to a few of the Harrys around the Great Hall. "Would I get back together with Cho, or get together with Romilda, or... Bollocks... there's a _me_ with Millicent Bulstrode too! Merlin's milt, I don't know if this is annoying her more than it does me. Malfoy's not pleased either."

"I guess you're right about you being you. I also see two Ginnys," Hermione said, rubbing her temples.

"Watch it, Hermione. They've already Bat-bogeyed each other, each claiming they're the real one. I'm the appointed boyfriend of this Ginny, and Dean the other," Harry explained.

"Uh-huh," Hermione said with raised eyebrows. _I knew he had a thing for Ginny._ "And you're fine with this, Ron?"

"Until I know for sure who the real Ginny is, I can't really do anything, can I," Ron grunted giving Lavender a plastered-on smile as her hands crept northward up his leg toward a place they had no business creeping.

Professor Dumbledore stood and called the Great Hall to attention. "As you can see, something strange has happened here at Hogwarts. There has been an accident of some sort at the bottom of the North Tower that released some very strong magic. This magic has created a rather interesting, if not unsettling, effect. It seems that for some of you, a conscious or unconscious desire is manifesting itself into reality. The most obvious desire appears to be the number of _Harrys_ present right now. To those girls who have conjured a Harry, or for that matter, any one of you who has conjured a significant other through this phenomenon, I must point out that it doesn't necessarily mean you have romantic feelings for this person. It might represent a deep dream you never intended to act on, or that you weren't even aware of. As far as we know, this phenomenon might be embarrassing, since it may reveal something about you that you would much rather have kept private, but there is no reason to believe it's dangerous." Professor Dumbledore then sat down and took a sip from his goblet.

The Ginny seated next to Dean huffed in disgust. "_Not dangerous"_ he says."I was Bat-Bogeyed by myself."

_Blimey, I dream about snogging Ginny, and here she sits next to me. She's Ron's sister, but I want to be with her. I've not only dreamed of snogging her senseless, I really want to... And now Ginny knows, but she's with Dean._ _Bloody hell, I've been pining for her and I'm jealous of Dean. _Harry had to admit to himself that his Ginny wasn't the real one, but it didn't decrease his desire for her—on the contrary, it only made him love her more.

"I wonder why Snape isn't here," Hermione asked the air.

"Why? What makes you care whether the greasy git shows up for lunch or not," Harry snorted, snapped out of his daydream.

"Nothing, but with these goings-on it's... Strange," Hermione said with knitted brows.

"Has anything happened to you two," Harry asked his friends.

"Other than watching my best mate snog every girl in the school, my little sister included," Ron snorted. "Well, I got a fake _Daily Prophet_ with a wonky headline."

"What kind of headline," Harry asked happy to shift focus from him snogging in general, and snogging Ginny in particular.

"Well, that the Cannons wanted me for Keeper," Ron said, blushing.

"I'd prefer something like that over...this," Harry said pointing to all his duplicates. "Am I really that sickening?"

A sudden high pitched shriek interrupted all activity in the Great Hall. It came from the Slytherin table. A bleeding body had appeared in front of Draco Malfoy, the one letting out the scream.

"Dinner is served, Malfoy," a fellow Slytherin said with an evil glare.

"Nice scream Mr Castrato," someone yelled.

Professor Slughorn quickly headed over and examined the body. It was the bleeding corpse of Harry Potter.

"I guess that's the reason Malfoy wasn't considered for Gryffindor. No courage whatsoever," Harry grinned.

Suddenly Ron shot Harry with a dark look. "Now, I might be a bit slow, but since you have a Ginny here, but Ginny's still with Dean, your Ginny must be one of those desire-things... Harry, do you _desire_ my little sister?"

Harry didn't dare answer his best friend's question. He most certainly did desire his little sister—very much. He not only desired her, we _wanted _her desperately.

"Ronald, he loves me," Ginny replied, defending Harry.

Ron looked between Harry and the Ginny by his side, not sure what to say to that. _Does Harry love my sister? Blimey!_

"Don't woowy so much, Won-Won," Lavender cooed in her customary and most-disconcerting baby talk, stroking his cheek with the back of an index finger. "It's no good for poor Wonnie's heart, and Lav-Lav cares so much for darling Won-Won.

"Mental, this is," he grunted with a wince. "Well, just so you lot know, I Flooed Mum before I came down here."

Not three seconds later, Errol swooped into the Great Hall, carrying an angry red letter.

"You did, did you," Harry gasped pointing to the owl.

"Bloody hell! That's Errol! She's sent a Howler," Ron groaned with a deep gulp. "Mum must've Apparated outside the grounds and let him fly the last part to get it here this fast. She has to be barking mad for sure."

Harry paled, knowing very well that a barking mad Molly was something even an Auror the calibre of Mad-Eye Moody feared. To their delighted surprise, Errol crash-landed into Professor Dumbledore's plum pudding, weakly stretching out a leg to the headmaster.

The old man knew there was no escape—he had to accept the Howler. There was no doubt as to whom the ancient owl belonged, so he knew the formidable witch who'd sent it. Molly Weasley was talented with Howlers, having had to send so many to the twins and even once to young Ronald after he'd crashed a flying car into the Whomping Willow some four years previous. With a trembling hand, he opened the letter and braced himself for the onslaught.

"ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW? I HEARD FROM RONALD THAT HARRY'S IN TROUBLE AGAIN. IF SO MUCH AS ONE HAIR IS BENT ON THAT SWEET BOY'S INNOCENT HEAD, I'M HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE. I HEAR MY GINEVRA IS AGAIN INVOLVED IN WHATEVER MAGIC GONE AWRY AT THAT ACCURSED CASTLE OF YOURS. SHAME ON YOU, ALBUS! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SAFETY OF OUR CHILDREN, AND I COUNT HARRY AMONG MY OWN! STILL THEY HAVE ALMOST BEEN KILLED SEVERAL TIMES. I HAVE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THIS," the Howler yelled with Molly Weasley's shrieks amplified to the point that the windows of Great Hall shook.

"That sure cleared the auditory canals, right Minnie," the Professor McGonagall lounging on the table grinned.

To everyone's surprise, Professor McGonagall flicked her wand and transfigured her duplicate to a robin's egg blue Cornish Pixie. The Howler swooped over to Harry who tried to take cover.

"Harry dear," the Howler said with Molly's sweetest voice. "Don't worry, we're looking after you."

Next it swooped over to Ginny. "Ginevra, I hope you finally have seen reason. That Dean-figure wasn't really the one for you after all..." the Molly-voice cooed. Dean again shot daggers at Harry while Ginny's cheeks glowed bright red. Harry's Ginny smiled triumphantly at the Weasley matriarch's approval of Harry over Dean.

The Howler finished by swooping back to Professor Dumbledore, and with a hiss, it burst into flame above his head and the ashes fell into his hair. The Great Hall fell silent. _Bugger. That woman knows how to send a Howler._ Professor Dumbledore concentrated on his heart rate to return it to normal, and then checked his bread to make sure it wasn't whiter than it had been moments before. I _need to do something before this gets out of hand. But what?_

Ron looked as equally petrified at the headmaster, afraid he'd be held responsible for the embarrassing display of his mother's wrath.

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After lunch, Professor Dumbledore returned dejectedly to his office. He had agreed to meet with Snape, presumably about the replica of Lily Evans Potter who had attached herself to him. Entering his office he stopped short. Another professor Dumbledore occupied his chair behind the great mahogany desk. This Professor Dumbledore, however, was vastly different from himself. This Dumbledore had woven flowers through his beard, and wore a multi-coloured, tie-dyed robe with shimmers moving through the colours. He held a pipe of some sort in his hand that he smoked with great pleasure. There was a strange sweetish scent to the smoke.

"Professor Dumbledore I presume," Professor Dumbledore greeted.

"Not _professor_, Merlin save me that kind of responsibility. I'm Albus, or Al for short, mate," Al chuckled.

Professor Dumbledore sniffed and looked sharply at Al. "Is that Venomous Tentacula you're smoking? I thought I'd convinced myself never to do that again," Professor Dumbledore said.

"Please Fumblemore, it's a mixture of just a tiny bit of Tentacula—for fun—some Muggle Cuban tobacco—for body—and Dittany—for a truly restorative experience—and lastly, a hint of mint for a fresh finish," Al told him with a contented grin. "Here. Try it. It won't bite, unlike the Tentacula plant itself. You know you always wanted to have another go."

"No, thank you," Professor Dumbledore declined.

"You're so stiff with all that responsibility, man. Cheer up, have a laugh," Al said, pulling a box of candy from his robes. "Wine gums, perhaps?"

Professor Dumbledore accepted the Muggle wine gums, appreciating the fruity and predictable taste. They tasted good, compared to the dubious Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. "They're splendid. Thank you, Al. But I have a meeting now. If you please..."

"Oh sure. I get it, you want me to leave. Sure, no problem, I'll see if I can find Peeves and maybe have a little fun with him, or more likely—at his expense." Al said and left, singing a familiar tune. _If you're goin' to San Francisco—do be weird with flowers in your beard..._

Professor Dumbledore watched him leave, not feeling altogether comfortable with a Tentacula-smoking duplicate of himself roaming freely about the school, seeking out Peeves.

_I must give him this though. He pinned down my desires rather well. Use some of that famous Dumbles magic to prank that Poltergeist once and for all, Al. Blimey, that would be fun. And his robes were spot on! _However, he had to meet Professor Snape first, who arrived after a few minutes along with _Lily_.

"Albus," Snape said shortly. "I thought I saw you leave."

Professor Dumbledore raised his hand. "It was another _me,_" he said resignedly.

"Oh. Well, as you know, I'm off to _make an appearance,_" Snape said with a nod to his left arm. "I can't ruddy well take her along."

"True. What's stopping you," professor Dumbledore said.

Snape turned fast against Lily and drew his wand. "_Stupefy!" Lily_ collapsed to the floor. "Thank you headmaster. I never imagined I'd ever have a desire to stun Lily and enjoy it," Snape sneered. "Well, I'm off, then. Should I let the Dark Lord know about what's happening here?"

"He will learn through Lucius, I am sure, as well as from the others with children in the school, so you might as well report it to him," Professor Dumbledore decided.

"Very well," Snape said with a short half-bow, and left the office, his black robes billowing in his wake.

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Harry and Ron had sought refuge in the sixth-year boys' dorm, although it was mostly for Ron's benefit in his desperate desire to keep Lavender at bay. "I need to break up with her, mate," Ron said, nearly hyperventilating. "The the baby talk...I can't take it," Ron moaned.

Harry gave his friend some moral support before shifting to what he had on his mind—Ginny. He had to talk to Ron about her and his feelings for her.

"Ron, about Ginny..." Harry began with a blush.

"I know, she's not real..." Ron said, cutting him off.

"Ron, you're my best mate...and what I want to say is that... _I wish she was_."

Ron's face started out in confusion, next clarity, followed by anger, and finishing gob-smacked.

"You... mean... you... Bloody hell, Harry, why didn't you get together with her before she started dating Michael or Dean?"

Harry stared at his friend equally gob-smacked. He'd expected a tirade. "You're saying you're fine with it? I want to be her boyfriend and if I have to, I'll fight Dean for her—the _real_ Ginny," Harry said with a conviction surprising even himself.

"Look, I don't like the idea of any bloke dating my sister, but since she's so damned stubborn about dating, it might as well be you," Ron conceded.

"I only hope she still has feelings for me—if she ever really did," Harry said.

"I don't think she's given up on you, mate. She's been telling us she was going to marry you since she was four years old," Ron assured him. "C'mon I think I have a few Chocolate Frogs...to celebrate."

"Celebrate? Celebrate what?"

"You realising you fancy Ginny," Ron suggested.

"It's a reason as good as any."

Harry and Ron dug into their frogs. Harry found he'd got a Nostradamus card. He didn't have him. Turning to Ron, he found his friend staring in shock at the card in his hand.

"Look," the redhead said, handing Harry his card.

_Ronald Bilius Weasley_

_Youngest son of Arthur and Molly Weasley and a vastly talented Keeper. If pursued he will certainly make the national team. He also has the potential to become world champion in Wizard's Chess. _

_Other accomplishments include almost having his father sacked after flying an illegally charmed Muggle car all over England, using a Spell-O-Taped wand landing the fraud Gilderoy Lockhart in St Mungo's, and barfing up a record breaking 278 slugs as a result of hexing himself with the broken wand._

_He's also rumoured to become the most Thick-Headed-Bloke-In-Britain in a special ceremony for not realising he's in love with Hermione Granger rather than the wench he's currently snogging._

"What the Bloody Hell is this," Harry asked, trying not to break into gales of laughter.

"A wonky Famous Wizard card," Ron grumbled. "It must be my week for dodgy publications."

"_Hermione,_" Harry asked.

"Yeah, you know bloody well I've been pining for her since third year at least," Ron admitted.

"This, whatever it is, happening at school is revealing a thing or two isn't it," Harry grinned.

"I guess." Ron said "Would you be all right...with me and Hermione?"

"After you allowing me to date Ginny, could I honestly deny you Hermione," Harry asked incredulously. "I think it's brilliant, mate!"

"I am the tactician, after all," Ron grinned pointing to the line about wizard's chess in the wonky Chocolate Frog Card.

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Hermione and Ginny walked along the corridors talking about the events of the day on their way to Madame Pomfrey for a period potion for Hermione. Actually, it was mostly Ginny updating Hermione about the day's adventures.

"How do you feel about Harry dating another you," Hermione asked.

"I'm flattered, sort of. And jealous," Ginny admitted. "I actually Bat-bogeyed that fraud."

"You didn't," Hermione gasped. "But why are you jealous? You're with Dean, aren't you?"

"I'm _dating_ Dean," Ginny clarified. "I never expected it to last. Harry's lasted for years. I've never given up hope, you know."

"And now that hope is getting stronger, isn't it," Hermione concluded.

"I heard what Professor Dumbledore said. It doesn't mean he has romantic feelings for me, Hermione, but he certainly doesn't see me only as Ron's silly little sister."

"I guess that's true," Hermione said. "Judging by the way he looks at her and treats her, he must have some feelings for you."

"What about you, have you had any effects yet," Ginny asked.

"Me? No, not yet..." Hermione started but was interrupted by a yell.

They turned around and saw Peeves coming in full speed. "Help," he screeched.

Soon after came Mr Filch. "I don't know what happened but, boy, do I love it," he grinned "_Stupefy_!" Filch waved a wand and a red bolt shot out at the Poltergeist. A strangely-dressed Professor Dumbledore followed at a dead run, flowers in his beard and multi-coloured robes flying.

"Good afternoon, ladies," he greeted Hermione and Ginny. "We're chasing Peeves so we can hex the snot out of him! Care to join us?" The two kept running after the terrified Poltergeist.

"Bloody Hell. It seems Filch's got magical powers," Ginny said in astonishment. "He'll be vicious now, more than ever."

"Right you are," Hermione agreed. "And that wasn't _our_ Professor Dumbledore, was it?"

"I don't think so," Ginny agreed.

"Mental, this is."

"But a pretty cool outfit," Ginny grinned.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - From Wonky to Worse to Wonderful**

Snape finished his report and waiting for the Dark Lord to respond, hoping for favour.

"Our desires have become reality," the Dark Lord concluded. "We shall attack immediately."

"Is that...wise," Snape asked shakily.

"I am Lord Voldemort. I shall break the bearded freak, showing the world once and for all that there is no truth to the rumours that I fear him. I'll barbecue the Potter boy with the Cruciatus Curse. After that I'll leave the school in your capable hands to teach what really matters," he grinned. His red eyes flashed, causing the Potions Master to shudder.

"Thank you, my Lord," Snape said with a bow. _Bloody Hell! This is bad!_

"But at the moment, I think it's time for tea," Voldemort said softly. "Hogwarts can wait. We are Englishmen, after all."

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At Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall smiled wickedly at the caged Pixie. "I warned you I'd do it," she sneered. "Now, I'm off to see the headmaster. Don't go anywhere."

The Pixie glared at the Transfiguration mistress. Professor McGonagall left for the headmaster's office and once there, she found him deeply concerned.

"What is it, Albus," she asked.

He looked upon his deputy. "I have no idea how to stop this, Minerva. The school is turning into a madhouse. The latest report is that a magical Argus Filch and my alter-ego are chasing Peeves around the school, throwing hexes all over the place. There are at least twenty Potters by now. It appears that he's quite the popular bloke among the girls. There are a few Viktor Krum's, who appears to come in at second place on the popularity scale."

The old man ran his hands over his grizzled face and then rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "For the boys, there are a number of Veela wandering about, the two Miss Weasleys, a few Miss Changs, and even a few Madames Rosmerta. Madame Pomfrey is currently treating a few boys for priprasm and over-enlarged... manhood. Filling out their pants was, I heard, a painful experience." The old man winced at the thought.

"Any more...reactions...from parents," Professor McGonagall asked.

"Oh I'd say Molly's was heard and is reiterated all over Britain," Dumbledore replied. "I must say, the woman knows her Howlers."

"She's had a lot of practise," professor McGonagall said, referring primarily to the Weasley twins.

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Ginny left Hermione in the hospital wing because Madame Pomfrey had some emergency shrinking to do before she could attend to her. She also noticed Crabbe and Goyle in a bed each. When the Matron arrived, Hermione couldn't resist asking what had happened to them.

"Oh, I believe they desired better brains, but didn't have a nervous system to support it. They're in a potion-induced coma to keep their brain activity to a minimum."

"As it should be then," Hermione snorted.

"Right," the Healer said with a smirk. "Now, what can I do for you, Miss Granger?"

"Oh, I'm only suffering from the girl-part of the month. Cramps."

"Thank Merlin for something simple to treat. I'll be back with the potion in a tick," Madame Pomfrey promised, clearly not happy with the current situation at the school.

When Hermione was about to leave the Healer looked at her pointedly. "Do tell Mr Potter I'm glad he's not in his bed yet," she said with a nod towards the _Potter-bed_, one that Madame Pomfrey claimed Harry had been in almost as much as the one in Gryffindor.

"I will. Thanks for the potion. It tasted like dung, but helped," Hermione said, ready to leave.

"Well it wasn't pumpkin juice, but if it was, you'd want to take it too often," the Medi-witch told her. "Off you go, then."

Hermione headed for the library when she heard an odd sound emanating from a classroom. She opened the door and stepped onto a beach.

"Blimey. This Transfiguration work is amazing," Hermione said in awe.

"You really think so," a familiar voice asked.

Hermione turned around and there was Ron. "Ron. Is that you," Hermione asked, feeling a tingling suspicion about the entire set-up._ Ron's not this good at Transfiguration._

"Of course it's me," he replied. "Who else would I be?"

When Hermione took a few steps towards him, vaguely-familiar soft music began to play. Ron walked up to her and without a word, he took her into his arms and kissed the ability to stand out of her. They ended up snogging on the beach, with warm waves gently splashing over them. That's when Hermione realised what this was. The beach, the music, the snog. This was her childhood idea of the perfect romantic date, after having seen Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in _From Here to Eternity_.

_Bloody hell, it's my desire, and it's everything I ever wanted... and it's RON I'm snogging. Blimey! He snogs like a god! _Thirty minutes later, Hermione left the classroom with her hair bushier than ever, shaky knees, swollen lips, and rosy cheeks, and a heart that beat for Ron Weasley. _I have to know if the real Ron snogs like that. He's certainly had a load of practise with Lavender, after all. That snog was so...wow..._ Hermione let out a rare and girly giggle _Maybe I can make him think I'm a duplicate._

A few moments later, Hermione headed for the sixth year boys' dorm where Ron and Harry said they'd be. She stood outside the door for a minute, realising that she needed to behave very un-Hermione-ish to pull this off. The morality of the thing didn't concern her, not at that very moment. She had to know. She opened the door and caught Ron's eyes. With a swift move the pulled the ribbon holding her ponytail out of her hair and gave her head a seductive shake. "Ron..." she purred and noticed Ron's jaw drop _Yes! he thinks I'm not me._

Harry stood stock still, stunned, but it made sense that a Hermione appeared. Ron had admitted he desired her. "C'mon, go for it, Ron. I snogged the Ginny-duplicate after all," Harry whispered.

Ron didn't have time to do anything because Hermione pushed him down, flat on his back onto his bed and straddled him. "You are the man of my dreams, Ronald Weasley." _Merlin, if they ever learn that I'm actually me, they'll haunt me forever with it. _Hermione captured Ron's lips for an all-out snog. _Oh my. The real Ron is even better than the replica._

"I think I'll go to the loo and barf," Harry said and escaped through the door.

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Lord Voldemort approached the main gates of Hogwarts grounds and to his surprise, they hung wide open. The gargoyles at the gates cocked their heads at the invading wizard. "Hail the Dark Tosser," the first gargoyle snarled.

"What," Lord Voldemort asked, not amused about having been insulted by a stone gargoyle.

"Oh, please enter, but don't say we didn't warn you," the other gargoyle snickered.

"You'll allow me to pass without so much as a howl," Voldemort asked, too surprised to be angry.

"Sure mate, you're the Heir of Slytherin, after all," the gargoyle said. "But you're better off if you don't."

"_Silencio,_" Voldemort hissed twice. "Buggers."

Voldemort approached the main entrance to the castle and carefully stepped inside. As soon as the door opened, he had something, or rather some_one_ clutching desperately to him. "Let me out," Peeves cried.

Voldemort watched the poltergeist flee and then proceeded further into the castle. Inside the Entrance Hall, he stood opposite a weird-looking—weirder than usual, that is—Albus Dumbledore and someone resembling Argus Filch, but this fellow held a wand.

"Tommy-boy," Al greeted him heartily. "I'm so glad you could join us!"

"Albus Dumbledore, prepare to meet your doom," Voldemort snarled viciously.

"Honestly, _prepare to meet your doom_. Is that the best you can do? I mean, really—isn't that one a bit...worn out?"

Voldemort began to wonder whether the gargoyles warning had been sincere, because something was very definitely off here.

"Excuse me, Albus," Professor Dippet's portrait said. "I heard that there's a You-Know-Who fighting Al in the Entrance Hall."

"Really? The real Voldemort," Professor Dumbledore asked, a twinkle returning to his watery blue eyes.

"By Merlin's mischief! How should I know," Professor Dippet snapped."With all the things going on, I have no idea what's real and what isn't. But the portraits are talking about it all over school."

"I guess the students will know soon enough. We'd better get down there," the old man sighed, drawing his wand from his magenta robes.

Voldemort fought Al and Filch. The old Squib fought very well until a stunner blew him into the staircase leading to the dungeons. He didn't return and was presumably knocked out. Finally Voldemort disarmed Dumbledore.

"You barmy bearded bugger. I'd say your days as headmaster are over!"

"I'm not the headmaster of this school," Al replied with a silly grin.

Voldemort looked confused for a moment and then raise his wand. "No, that's right, because you're dead. _Avada Kedavra,_" Voldemort shouted. The jet of green hit Al square in the chest and he fell. Voldemort grinned and looked up. To his amazement, the Entrance Hall was full of people. Someone had even conjured up a sign that read, "_Go Dumbles." _What was the most shocking—and unsettling—of all were the twenty-plus Harry Potters staring him down.

"What kind of magic is this? Polyjuice potion," Voldemort shrieked. "I'll kill you all!"

Harry, the real one, watched as Ginny snuggled up his side. He didn't mind. It felt good having her there.

"Ginny, I wish I could tell the real one this, but I love you. And...and...there's a ruddy prophecy saying I must take this ponce out. I don't think I can do it today, but I will have to face him."

Ginny kissed him and held him tight. Mid-kiss, they heard Harry's voice calling out all over the Entryway. "You won't kill us all. I'll die defending my beloved Cho," Cho's Harry called out.

"And I'll die for Romilda," another one cried.

"And for Millicent!"

"And for Katie!"

"And for Mandy!"

"And for Megan!"

"And for Laura!"

"And for Lisa!"

"And for Ginny," Harry called out proudly.

The Harrys kept coming until an army of nearly thirty Potters faced Voldemort. For the first time, the Dark One seemed nervous.

"What's up, Tom? Haven't you heard _the more, the merrier,_" one Harry said cockily.

"_Avada Kedavra,_" Voldemort hissed and struck at the Harry who'd spoken in the chest.

The curse bounced off him and Voldemort had to duck do dodge it. It blasted a chunk of the wall behind him.

"Whoopsy-daisy, Tom. That's a dangerous curse to cast, people might get hurt."

"How," Voldemort asked, looking a bit scared.

"...I survived? You bollixing up, as usual, of course. You know, Mum's love protects me and that protection lives in my blood, but you took my blood. I'm afraid the big bad Dark Tosser won't kill any Harrys today."

Harry stood and listened to the Harry who spoke. _How the hell does he know that? I didn't know that! _Suddenly he noticed Professor Dumbledore, presumably the original, wink at him. _Oh, a bit of Legilimency then..._

"_Avada Kedavra_," Voldemort snarled again and fired at another Harry.

"Merlin's nose hairs," Harry yelled to the students. "Duck and cover, everyone!"

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

With each killing curse, the jet of green seemed to grow fainter and fainter. Voldemort's face was twisted in insane fury as he continued casting his curses. Finally he fell to his knees. "What blasted magic is this," he cried. "_AVADA KEDAVRA!_" One last weak green-yellowish beam flew out from the tip of his wand, before his wand ignited and burned to ash with a magical flame. Soon the flames spread and engulfed Voldemort himself.

"Nobody move," Professor Dumbledore ordered.

The student body turned their attention to their headmaster, then to the dead body of the same man on the floor of the Entrance Hall, and then back at their headmaster again. _Well, this wasn't so bad after all. Who knew this could happen when I dropped that ruddy mirror?_

Professor Dumbledore surveyed the Harrys. "Could each of you please return to the one you consider your girlfriend," he sighed and finally approached the one next to Ginny.

"I'd say you're the real one, yes," the headmaster asked, his eyes twinkling.

"How would you know?"

"Well, you're the only one who didn't return immediately because you want to know what happened here. The others are the product of their respective girl's desire and returned to them without hesitation."

Harry shrugged. He was about to answer when he heard noise coming from upstairs.

"Harry," Ron shouted, dragging Hermione by the hand. She seemed to barely have the ability to stand up, her hair was beyond bushy, and her lips swollen. Ron was in the same state.

"Hey mate! Did you hear? Old Tommy here seems to have blown his fuses," Harry said with a smirk.

Ron didn't get it, but Professor Dumbledore laughed. "I guess he did. He cast too many AKs. He literally burned out his magical core," Professor Dumbledore said "Harry, you killed him, at least his life as a wizard. He is a Squib now and certainly no Dark Lord."

"The Prophecy's fulfilled," Harry asked.

"It seems so. I never thought of the possible interpretation that his physical life didn't necessarily have to end."

"This means I'm free," Harry shouted and took the Ginny beside him in his arms and kissed her soundly.

Voldemort jerked. Something was wrong. He had heard Professor Dumbledore talking about his magical core being burned out. _Bollocks. That's bad, really bad. But the Horcruxes, they'll keep me alive._ Voldemort thought and wanted to shout his defiance. "Ymf," Voldemort gasped and Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Professor Dumbledore turned their heads sharply to look at him.

"Bugger, he is a vegetable too. Seems he got a little more than his core fried," Professor Dumbledore said, his eyes now a full-twinkle.

_A vegetable!_ Voldemort shrieked in his mind. He tried to move but wasn't able to.

"We'd better ship him off to St Mungo's, then," Harry said, winking at _Ginny_.

"Quite right, my boy," Dumbledore agreed. "I'm afraid he shall live there for the rest of his unnatural life."

_Which will be an eternity._ Voldemort realised in horror that his mind was trapped in a useless body for all eternity, unable to communicate with anyone, with a burned-out magical core.

Moments later, three Unspeakables arrived in the Entrance Hall, carrying the Mirror of Erised. Professor Dumbledore blushed. "Ah, Headmaster," one of them said cheerfully.

"We registered some escaped magic here last night and found this mirror in one of our chambers," the second revealed.

"We need to put it back into the mirror at the place the accident happened," the third explained.

"Oh, please do," Professor Dumbledore cried, never happier to see Unspeakables "Please wait a moment and I will escort you there myself."

He looked back at Harry and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Not that it's really necessary, but can I trust you to keep watch over Tom," he asked.

"Sure, Professor," Harry replied. He still hadn't gotten his head around the fact that his life of pain and torment under Voldemort was behind him and a real future shined ahead.

Every student had arrived in the Entrance Hall by then. Professor Dumbledore touched the tip of his wand to his throat. "_Sonorus_. I shall take the Unspeakables to the North Tower, where they will fix the mirror that caused the troubles here today."

A cry arose from the dungeons. "No! Don't fix it," Mr Filch pleaded.

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Harry turned to Ginny after a few minutes. Any time now, the Mirror would be repaired and his Ginny would be gone from him. "Blimey, Ginny. I wish you were the real one. But you helped me realise that I truly love Ginny. I'll tell her—I promise—and I'll ask to be whichever part she wants me to be in her life. I'd like to be her boyfriend," Harry told her.

"Harry..." Ginny began.

A murmur spread through the hall as the duplicates started to disappear. Harry held on to Ginny's hand. "I love you, Ginny," he said and closed his eyes. He couldn't bear the sight of Ginny disappearing. After a minute he opened them again. All the duplicates were gone, but he still held Ginny's hand. "Ginny," Harry asked.

"Erm...Harry...I sort of realised I love you too. I broke up with Dean and then tried to find you, but then Tommy here tried to make this a really bad day. I hope you're not mad that you said all those things to me. I sure loved hearing them."

"Mad? I'm madly in love, that's all the mad I am," Harry said. He took her beautiful face in both hands and gazed longingly into her chocolate-brown eyes. "I'm madly in love with you, Ginevra Weasley." He lowered his messy raven head and kissed her tenderly. His dreams had come true.

Next to them, a still-rosy-cheeked, bushy-haired Hermione with swollen lips stood, leaning into her Ron. Her knees still felt a bit weak after a magnificent snog. Ron slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side. "Hermione...you...you...pulled a Ginny..." he gasped. "It's really you."

"Yes, Ron. It's really me." Hermione explained the beach snog in the classroom and how she had snogged him in his dorm.

Ron's face lit up with the widest grin ever. _She really wants me!_ "Oi, Lavender! It's over," he shouted. He took his Hermione in his strong embrace and snogged the barely-regained ability to stand up out of her.

**Aftermath**

Harry and Ginny – Married and lived happily ever after, producing two sons and one daughter.

Ron and Hermione – Married and lived happily ever after, producing a daughter and a son.

Filius Flitwick – Had to admit losing the bet on Harry and pay a Sickle to Albus Dumbledore.

Albus Dumbledore – Got a cool set of robes like Al's, but steered clear of smoking Tentacula. Had to pay the Sickle he got from Flitwick to Horace Slughorn, for betting on Ron and Hermione.

Severus Snape – Revealed that he had a potion to heal Dumbledore's hand and did so, He excused himself for not administering it sooner, saying that the headmaster had been too damned stubborn to listen to him.

Minerva McGonagall – Entered the pool on relationships and smiled a lot more often.

Dean Thomas – Got over Ginny and got a life.

Molly Weasley – Started a study group consisting primarily of magical mothers, teaching them how to create an effective Howler.

Argus Filch – Remembered the day he chased Peeves with a wand as the best of his life.

Peeves – Remained jumpy and skittish for a year following the event.

Tom Riddle – Lived a very long, immortal, and very miserable life bickering with himself, earning himself the nickname _Arch-Cucumber_, as the most famous vegetable at St Mungo's.


End file.
